Why Does Collaborative Divorce Need a Neutral Mental Health Professional on the team?
The Neutral Mental Health Professional (MHP) manages the collaborative divorce process much like an emcee does any large-scale event, handling many moving parts to help create an outcome that is goal driven and designed to meet the clients’ needs. He or she facilitates the process that empowers adults undergoing divorce to structure a customized, individualized plan tailor made to move their family forward successfully. Consequently, the neutral MHP in the collaborative process wears many hats: teacher, coach, communication facilitator, emotion manager.
What does the neutral MHP do?
Runs the meetings: as collaborative divorce is a private process run by group meetings (two clients, two attorneys, one financial professional, one mental health professional), the neutral MHP is responsible for facilitating the agenda; he or she makes sure the whole room, including all of the team members, keep communication open. The neutral MHP manages the emotions in the room knowing when to stop and address the elephant in the room, or when to move the process forward.
Meets with clients “offline”: the neutral MHP will often confer with the clients jointly and/or individually in their office, outside the whole group, to address issues in a more cost-effective manner than doing so during the full group meetings. Perhaps there is fallout from whatever breakdowns occurred in a group meeting, or further discussion is needed on a sticking point that has left the process deadlocked. Sometimes, such meetings are simply designed to gather information or provide the clients with additional education or skills training.
Creates parenting plan with clients: when there are minor age children involved, the neutral MHP offers the couple the opportunity to become educated about their children’s needs and the impact of divorce, while learning how to communicate more effectively with the other parent, including how to best handle inevitable conflict. It is within this framework that the couple builds a customized parenting plan, designed to be both effective and durable and to meet their families needs. These opportunities in my opinion are the most crucial benefits of working with a neutral MHP for a divorcing couple. Divorce is hard work and the decisions that need to be made for themselves and their children are numerous and often challenging: couples don’t know what they don’t know. While the marriage is ending, they will always remain the parents of their children. If they can remember that and adhere to it during negotiations, the result is better for the whole family. To the extent that the neutral MHP can help a couple become functional co-parents moving forward after divorce, it has a powerful impact on how well children do.
What does the neutral MHP not do?
The neutral MHP role in a collaborative divorce is a clear departure—a paradigm shift—from the traditional role of therapist or counselor. The neutral MHP does not diagnose and does not provide therapy or counseling. That would be, in fact, a distinct no-no in collaborative divorce. If such help is needed, the neutral MHP is a wealth of knowledge regarding who does what best in the DFW therapeutic community and serves as a resource in that regard. While the work with the neutral MHP may have therapeutic benefit, it is solely because the focus on communication and conflict resolution often provides a salve to a hurting and troubled relationship. However, the neutral MHP does not lose his or her objectivity or get pulled into counseling mode with mom or dad—that job is outsourced. The neutral MHP is not sidetracked and remains neutral which is one of the major benefits of this role. He or she can remain present to the big picture of the case and focus on what is often one of the most important, sensitive, and tricky parts of any divorce. How best to protect the children. More on that next time!